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Keep Your Sanity! Tips for Healthy Boundaries

Healthy Boundaries keep me sane!

Save your sanitySetting boundaries brings all our vulnerabilities to the surface and I for one do not like to feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

I needed to practice how to be uncomfortable. I had to learn to sit in the uncomfortableness and the uncertainty to set healthy boundaries. I had to be able to sit with the disappointment, the other being angry with me. I had to accept not being perfect.

When I do not set healthy boundaries I start to feel angry and resentful. I start to blame the other person for making me feel guilty. I start to blame them for my stress and exhaustion.

#It is my business to say No

Mahatma Gandhi said, "A NO uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a YES merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble".

Saying “No” triggers the inner “shame gremlins” (Brene Brown)

The inner critique starts up reaching for the megaphone.

“Who do you think you are?”

“Shame-full! I am not a ‘proper’ mother/partner/friend”

“See I knew I wasn’t good enough”

How I learnt to set boundaries:

Pink NOI started using the “PINK NO” (my technique!).

I cut out pieces of pink paper and stuck it to my phone and I got really good at saying NO when I meant NO.

However if someone rang me on my mobile I was saying YES when I meant NO. I fixed that with a PINK NO sticky taped to my phone – Yes it was an analogue!

This meant I was more practiced at saying NO in a face-to-face situation.

It took more practice still when I started saying NO in my job. Any risk to my security is one of my vulnerabilities.

Saying NO as a mother is still a big challenge for me! The lines are very blurry when it comes to nurturing loved ones and healthy boundaries.

3 Tips that have helped me to set healthy boundaries

1. Find a mantra to help you learn to sit in the uncomfortableness and the uncertainty “I am OK This is OK” “I can (Koala) bear this” “I choose discomfort over resentment”

2.Keep a Resentment Journal and use the resentful feelings as your litmus test. When you feel resentful, angry with the other for making you feel guilty or you said “YES” when you needed to say “NO” write it down. The whole gory story!

If I find I am resentful, blaming or angry when I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed or on the edge, this is a RED LIGHT warning sign I need some extreme self-nurturing.

3. Practice saying “NO”.
Use the mirror until your voice and facial expression is gentle and it comes from a place of courage and compassion and not driven by anger and resentment. “I can’t fit that in” “That is not possible at the moment” “My day is full”


If you are struggling try the ‘Pink NO’ technique!

As I have learnt to say NO comfortably or uncomfortably the less reaction I feel when someone says NO to me.

My relationships are healthier and my sanity remains intact!

I would love to hear your Boundary Setting successes, learning’s and challenges.

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