Healthy Boundaries keep me sane!
Setting boundaries brings all our vulnerabilities to the surface and I for one do not like to feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.I needed to practice how to be uncomfortable. I had to learn to sit in the uncomfortableness and the uncertainty to set healthy boundaries. I had to be able to sit with the disappointment, the other being angry with me. I had to accept not being perfect.
#It is my business to say No
Saying “No” triggers the inner “shame gremlins” (Brene Brown)
“Who do you think you are?”
“See I knew I wasn’t good enough”
How I learnt to set boundaries:
I started using the “PINK NO” (my technique!).
I cut out pieces of pink paper and stuck it to my phone and I got really good at saying NO when I meant NO.
This meant I was more practiced at saying NO in a face-to-face situation.
Saying NO as a mother is still a big challenge for me! The lines are very blurry when it comes to nurturing loved ones and healthy boundaries.
3 Tips that have helped me to set healthy boundaries
1. Find a mantra to help you learn to sit in the uncomfortableness and the uncertainty “I am OK This is OK” “I can (Koala) bear this” “I choose discomfort over resentment”
2.Keep a Resentment Journal and use the resentful feelings as your litmus test. When you feel resentful, angry with the other for making you feel guilty or you said “YES” when you needed to say “NO” write it down. The whole gory story!
If I find I am resentful, blaming or angry when I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed or on the edge, this is a RED LIGHT warning sign I need some extreme self-nurturing.
3. Practice saying “NO”.Use the mirror until your voice and facial expression is gentle and it comes from a place of courage and compassion and not driven by anger and resentment. “I can’t fit that in” “That is not possible at the moment” “My day is full”
”DO NOT START WITH AN APOLOGY! And NO BECAUSES!
If you are struggling try the ‘Pink NO’ technique!
As I have learnt to say NO comfortably or uncomfortably the less reaction I feel when someone says NO to me.
My relationships are healthier and my sanity remains intact!
I would love to hear your Boundary Setting successes, learning’s and challenges.
